The next phase...

When talking about the next phase, I always shed tears, and my heart aches every time I began to think about it. Clearly, everyone knows just how much a priority it is for me regarding this 'next phase'. Truly, it is.

To be honest, I was supposed to step up into that next phase 3 years ago, at the age of 18. But, Allah is indeed the most Magnificent in His planning. That plan did not go as planned. No details here, but it left me broken hearted. It really took me a year to finally get over it, but it's okay. Now at the age of (almost) 20, I understand why Allah made that to happen.

one day, for sure. =')

After a year of feeling all broken hearted and depressed, I woke up and began to hope again. Hoping that maybe, after a year, my time to enter that next phase will come soon. Each passing day makes this priority even stronger, and with each passing day, I cry and make prayers to Allah, asking and pouring my heart out to Him saying "If THIS priority is beneficial to me and my ummah, my future and everything else that is good, then please let THIS priority be of ease to me. My heart is yours to hold, and if one day something relating to THIS isn't as to what I had hoped for, then help me to calm my heart and to accept it with redha."

Right now, at this exact moment, only Allah knows just how much this really means to me.

Only He knows and understands as to why this is a priority to me.

I'm not here to brag, or to show off, or to even seek attention. No.

But here's the thing...

People had often asked me, "What have you prepared yourself to go into the next phase? Are you sure you're qualified? Are you confident that you can survive? You should graduate degree first, get a career, only then you can start thinking about this. You're still young. Enjoy your teenage and young adult's life first."

(Sigh)

To be honest, I do not like to spend my time aimlessly, and idly. Why? Well, let's just say that the possibility for me to be insane with too many times in hand and too little commitments and too many 'distractions' (if you get what I mean) is pretty high. I know why I want to enter the next phase, and it is not because I feel lonely. No!! It is because I know that my goals and aims will be much easier (with the ease and will from Allah), and I know that by stepping up into the next phase, I will be in good hands (again, with the ease and will from Allah).

My goals for this priority is not entirely for me, but it is for much more than me. It is not entirely for me.

Now I know what kak Amalina felt like when I read her blog post last month. (Sad face)

Pray for me. My heart knows that this is what I want, and this is what I need.

Allahumma yassir wa la tu'assir...

Goodbyes.

I am never good with goodbyes. Especially when saying goodbye is the most right thing to do at the moment.
I have an attachment problem. I get attached to people easily, and when it's time to let them go, that's the hardest point in my life. Time? Time will heal, but my heart will always ache just by remembering the days spent together.

I finally understand now that all these wonderful while, I had bred hatred and agony in the heart of someone. Through all those laughter, fights and joy, the person had actually loathe me from the very beginning. And only now I understand why.

I have to say goodbye to that person now, for that person had already made it clear that that person is already very fed up with me and my ways. This is actually the hardest and the most painful goodbye I had ever experienced. Why? Because we are saying goodbye because of anger and frustration. There's like no love and warmth in this kind of goodbye.

All I want at the moment is for that person to accept my deepest and sincerest apology for making that person turn this way.
That person now can't even tolerate me being in the same room, and breathing the same air as that person's self. And, that is like, so wrong in so many ways. Why? Because that person taught me that forgiveness and acceptance is something crucial in dakwah and tarbiyyah. Why doesn't that person practice that after teaching me that?

I am in pain. Very. But this is for the best. There will be no more laughter shared together, no more sitting down in the same group again, no more contacting (unless for important matters -- cause there are still commitments that we share together.), no more anything. Turning our relationship into the phase of acquaintances is the most painful thing for me. After what the person had promised me, after what the person had told me before, after what that person had made me feel...

It is fair for this to happen. It is.
But, give me time to savour this goodbye. Give me time to make things right first before we say goodbye thoroughly. I don't want to let anger and hatred of me stay in that person's heart.

I'm beginning a new life without someone who I had thought would always be there for me... Who I thought would always say that they love me and will support me, no matter what I do. Who I thought was very awesome. And that person is still awesome to me.

But, I really don't want to say goodbye like this. I really don't...

Herbalife Testimonial

So, today I'm going to just write about my experience consuming Herbalife.

As you all know, I am a proud consumer and a proud personal wellness coach of Herbalife. My journey began as a distributor, where I did the business first before I consume the products. Many had asked me why, and so I gave them my answers.
As a student, I did not have much money to buy my own product, so my coach (who is now my awesome upline!) told me to find a few people who wanted to try the products and use the income that I gained from there to buy one. And another reason was, I was waiting for my PTPTN money to come so that I can buy my own product (specifically Formula 1, since that is our MAIN product). So, when I had both, I was happy 'cause finally I have my own Formula 1, and the first two flavours that I bought were Cappuccino and Chocolate, since I'm someone who's very addicted to coffee and I wanted to try the chocolate one.

So, my first taste of the shake was the strawberry one. It was delish!

Anyway... My first formula 1 wasn't actually from my own product that I bought from my coach. No. The first time I tasted F1 was when I went to my first mini Success Training Seminar (STS) with my coach in NutriHouse Kajang. It was in December, and it was my second weekend of college for a new semester. I won't go into details about this, but let's just say that my coach (to be honest, that was the first time ever that I went out with him outside of college. Before this, we were just friends in college, and the only time we ever meet each other is in college.) made his F1 shake for me and for himself 1 day before the event, and on the day of the event. My first impression of the shake was that it was quite delicious. So, he explained a bit about his journey in HL and about the products and company a bit, how it changed him and other people.

My first experience of the shake was I felt full and energetic. To be honest, I have mild scoliosis, so back pains and fatigue were normal for me before. But on that day, my back pain didn't go to the extreme where I needed to take my pain killers, and I wasn't tired at all for the rest of the day. Believe me, me and my coach's journey to the venue wasn't easy at all. We had to LITERALLY walked a complete 3.4 kilometres, up and down hillsides to actually get to the place. We even got lost on the way there, and that was the best first mini-STS trip ever for me. Though the distance wasn't that far, but try imagine going to that exact distance with only one shake for breakfast and just mineral water to hydrate ourselves. We had loads on our backs, but we made it! So, that very first day was the day that I finally believe in the nutrition the shake gave me.

Malaysia has 5 flavours. My favourite would be Cappuccino, because I love coffee. Hahaha.

Now, I'm just here to tell you about my testimonial.
Before consuming the shake, I was not that underweight.
So, now, 2 weeks ago, I went and tried the innerscan again, and I weigh 47.2 kg and all the other things maintained. My weight is already in its ideal state and I am feeling more energetic and healthy. Believe me, I don't have to take pain killers for my back pain, fatigue isn't a problem any more for me, and migraines aren't a problem any more either. And, I am getting a bit chubbier, and I am reshaping. For you see, when you're a scoliosis patient, your body shapes awkwardly due to the shape of your spine, but alhamdulillah, after taking Herbalife, the weird curve isn't that visible now, and I don't have to worry people telling me that I walk funny or my body is slanted a bit. (Yes, it gets kinda annoying that I have to tell people about my scoliosis problem too often. -_-)
Here's a side note though : Do be clear though, I did not take the product because of weight problems. No. I had a problem with my immunity system, and I thought I might give it a try, and my result was tremendous -- for me that is. Individual results may vary though, so be alert. THIS is my result. Eheh~~

[picture deleted because I felt dumb. hahaha]

That's my testimonial. :)

Want to gain weight also, or want to stop being dependant on pain killers or medicines? Ask me now!
Trust me, Herbalife isn't like any other product. It focuses on the nutrients needed in our body. Slowly, our body begins to heal, and we become healthier.
(Currently, I'm still taking my shakes daily for breakfast, with 3 litre daily intake of water. And I'm also consuming TeaMix to boost my energy. Believe me, I had never felt much healthier. Eheh!)

If you want to gain some extra income, you can also ask me how! I can be your coach for both the product and or for your business. Believe me, in Herbalife, everyone is awesome!
I learned the true meaning of success in Herbalife, thus the reason why I'm always talking about it, and proudly wearing and consuming the product.