A sister.

You know what I'm good at? Being a sister. How good? Too good.

Why do I say that? Certain reasons.

I won't lie. I've asked people whether they would take me as their wife before, but many laughed at my indirect question, why? Always the same answer : I can't see you more as just my sister.

Well, some gave me other answers, but this is the excuse people gave me the most.

I am just a sister.

Then I begin to realize... I will never be a wife material. I will always be a sister material for everyone, may it be a little sister or may it be an older sister. That is the only thing that I can be to everyone. Just a sister.

I am childish. Very, actually. Very childish. That's why people dislike me -- childishness.

I don't know whether people can get my point with this.

I am actually disheartened by this fact a bit. Why? Well, imagine my situation right now. All I could ever be is just a sister. You get it? Just a sister.

Not that I mind, but.. It's just... Hm.

I do enjoy having many little brothers, little sisters, big brothers, and big sisters. I do. Why? They keep my company, but sometimes I, too, want someone to love me more than just a sister.

I'm still too young to be thinking about marriage, but there's nothing wrong about it.

True. I'm not an independent person, but I could be, it's just that I chose not to be one. Why? Because I need people in my life. I can live alone, but...

It's complicated.

I am always a sister... Always a sister...

Always a sister...

I need my time alone now, I think...

Love

A few days left, and the month of January will finally end. It has been a very rocky journey this January.

nothing is ours...

Didn't expected it to be this rocky, but hey, that's life I guess. You never know what'll happen. Even a psychic can be wrong in his foretelling.

You know, to be frank, love is something I find ridiculous at the moment. I never knew how much it can change us and how much it can affect us daily. I never knew it could be so beautiful and yet be so painful. I never knew it would be so. To know that someone you love and adore doesn't love you like how you love them is like truly painful. Well, maybe it's my fault for not telling the person, but then again, I'd rather lose a lover than to lose a friend.

I don't know. That person is just different. No matter how much I know that I'm not meant to be for that person, I just can't help but to want to try anyway. And I know who to blame whenever I go cry because of disappointment and heartbreak again and again -- me. Why do I still chase over that person? Who knows. Because I still feel like there's hope. There's a chance for us to be together.

But then, recently, I began to realize. All my efforts are just in vain. That person will never be mine, and I'm just wasting my time trying to win that person. I completely forgot that all this happens because of Allah's will. He gave me this, and I'm like denying the fact and reality of this. Now I know just how weak and naive and stupid and immature I am for doing something that will only bring harm to my own heart.

It would be a lie to say that this is my first time falling in love. Falling in love is normal. And I've had many heart breaks before, but somehow this time it's different. The person now is just magnificent! But, I guess it's my fault that I'm not that person's choice. I'm just going to be a friend, and I know why. It's because of my own attitude and mentality. I should grow up, but somehow, no matter how much I want to, I'm just nothing but a mere child. A kid who had never understood the true meaning of life.

Right now, all I could ever think of is trying to focus studying, focus on my assignments, presentations and also, focus on Herbalife. I need my enthusiasm back in all these things so that I can forget entirely of the person and get back on track in my life. It's hard. Very hard. But, someone once told me, patience is the key. The product of your patience will be truly mesmerizing, just you see!

I'm holding on to that. I'm holding on to that, always.

-------

Dear me,
please move on. If you truly love the person, then let that person go. If that person comes back, then hold on tight. But sometimes even if the person comes back, that doesn't mean that person is all yours now. Love is not about possession, but it's about the power of giving. Give your love, and you will get loved back. Believe.

2014.

always there. =)

A new year, a new blog, and hopefully, a new breath of life for me. A new awakening that I hope won't disappear. Usually, a new blog means that I have to make a post to just introduce myself, but I don't think that is quite necessary in this matter. Why? Because if possible, I like to keep myself as low profile as I can now. Those who know me will know me, but those who don't, well, there's always the alternative to get to know me via any way you can think of. Hm.

Anyway, that's not the reason for this first post in this new blog. Well, such reasoning for this is actually non-existent, so basically, I have no idea why am I even posting.
If it is so, then let's talk about this new year.

2014. A year where I will officially turn 20 (next May, insyaAllah) and a year where I really want things to
change -- A LOT! The beginning of the year wasn't pretty, but that doesn't mean my journey in this year will stay ugly. To be honest, at the moment, recently, lately, and yada yada yada, all I want is to make a new life, because I know it is never too late to change.

I could list all the weaknesses I have in me, and I know it's going to be a long one too if I were to make such a list. But no. I'm not going to focus on my weaknesses, but I'm going to improve myself to rid of those weaknesses and make myself a better person. Why? Because I want to make this world a better place. I want to help people see that life isn't that bad. I don't want people to endure the same pain I had gone through in life. I want people to see that life isn't all sorrow, but there's also bliss and joy in it. I want them to see life through a different perspective as to how I see it now. I just want to make a change, may it be in my own life and/or in the lives of others. That's what I want.

I will never quit. I will start over in my life. Close all the books of my past and start and begin a new book, with hopes that I am bringing benefits into the lives of others. I will never quit.

# I work for Islam. Allah is the reason why I'm still moving. Thank you, Allah.